well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Let's paint friendship bongs
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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