Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize