So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
