I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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