My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
