Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
