Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
