Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
