yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
