Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
