I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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