Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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