I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize