sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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