I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
