I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
this will be a night to untag.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
