I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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