I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
