I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
