Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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