I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
love makes seman taste better
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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