How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
