so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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