did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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