don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
