I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
