saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
