Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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