There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
