You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
