We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
