do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
