Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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