he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
