I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
