I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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