You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
