There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
