He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
