I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
