quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
