Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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