If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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