I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
