You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize