I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
