I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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