I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
