We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
