I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
