I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
