I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
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