He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
