considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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