Sponge bath it is.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
