I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
