You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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