then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
