In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
