I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
