They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
