I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
