You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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