You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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