So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
