Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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