Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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